Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

hi i am a 30 year old female and have been dealing with my hubby's porn thing fore 3 years now. I have told him time and time again to git help but he will not i think that's b/c of his job he is a Marine. The last time i found his porn and swinger sights and web cams on his lap top i told him i was dun funny his lap top broke 2 days later and now he has nothing but his hand and that's all the freaking time i fill like a mom with a five year old kid telling him to stop. Sens he has had no porn we have had NO sex but yet he still touche him self gits hard and then wen i say can we have time he shuts me down its this what happens can sum one help me plz.

Seems very serious. My sister divorced her husband because he was looking at porn. She did not think twice about it. It went pretty fast for her. Though I do not think that was the sole reason but I think it was fairly significant for her. I remember her talking about how terrible it made her feel with tears in her eyes. There have been other couples that I have known where love has faded because of this and the wife said "I do not love you anymore" but they are still together. How compatible are you two with each other? If you are very compatible then perhaps it is worth the fight if he is willing. If you are not very compatible whether you stay depends on your upbringing whether you will divorce for any inconvenience or you will stick it out to the bitter end. From my religious perspective divorce is only allowable because of infidelity and I think child abuse so you have to decide how much "to death do us part" means to you. Its your life. Its your happiness being affected but also his well being which you care about. So, there is a fine line that you have to walk. How much should you tolerate and if you decide to leave him will that really solve anything and do you really care at that point. This is a perfect example of how marriage for the vast majority is nothing but a pain and the fact that many discover things about there mate when it is too late. You gave him an ultimatum and his laptop broke so perhaps he is willing to change. If he goes to SA meetings I don't think that is looked down upon as a marine but I really do not know about that. You could also call a trusted Christian couselor nearby, a wife and husband team but you know people cannot do for your husband what he must do for himself. Maybe you can have his parents talk with him or your parents. If he is not willing to listen to you what hope is there?

Tinytot, wow ur husband sounds much mine used 2. It took 6years for husband 2 change.But now that he has he is a much better man.I don't want 2 up set you but there is nothing u can do until he is ready.He has 2 believe he has a problem, and want to change.God bless and good luck!

I agree with Broken83 - your husband has to first realize he has a problem. I know from personal experience that sometimes, pornography is so entrenched in a person that even the thought of being caught, or losing a wife is not enough to change (since I also am married and have similar addictions which I've discussed with my wife - it hasn't exactly changed me). I honestly think that you are in a tough situation becuase he needs to recognize he has a problem, but it doesn't seem like he does. Also, since your husband is in the marines, when he is deployed, he obviously can't have sex with you, and has learned to satisfy his sexual urges using other means - porn, webcams & chatting...If it were me, I would consider speaing to a counsellor (yourself) to find out what you can do to help yourself - and then possibly your marriage. Some people may tell you to leave your husband, others may tell you to love him, some will tell you to wait...but should do what's best for you. Even the Bible says --> love your neighbour as YOURSELF (implying that you need to love yourself).
As a husband that's been addicted to porn for several years, as hard as it is to admit, the best thing my wife has ever done for me is to confront me on the issue - and not give up on me. The worst thing I think she could do is just let the problem be. If confronting your husband doesn't work, perhaps taking some time away from him (when he is home - and not away serving) may help to think more clearly. He may realize what he has - and decide to change on his own. Maybe not. Either way, you have the reponsibility of caring for yourself...I suggest you pray for your husband, and speak to a counsellor who can help you figure out what to do. (Note - speaking to a counsellor shows that you care about yourself - I think it's important that your husband see that you care for his well-being as well as your own - this can be a great motivator).
Also - there is a book called "Love must be tough - help for marriages in crisis" by James Dobson - perhaps you can purchase the book, or read the online reviews on it. I have found it very helpful at times - the book is dedicated to spouses who want to improve their marriage, but are not getting support from their other spouse. Some of the advice goes against popular beliefs, but I think the testimonials speak for themselves...the book has also sold over 1 1/2 million copies...I commend you for sticking it through for your husband so far...I pray you give up on neither him nor yourself!

i am sorry to hear about your hell. but i am living proof that a man can truly change. it took me 6 years but i am right now in the middle of the most progress that i have made. also my father was a marine for 20 yrs and i know that the only thing more stubborn than a man is a jarhead! my heart goes out to u. and remember, my wife not giving up is what got me where i am today. good luck and God bless.

ok so more on what is going on I have talked to him and the thing he tells me is i do not spend enough time with him. If I spent more time he would not half to look at the porn lol funny i think he just cant let it go but i cant let it go ether. I am trying like hell to stand behind him but i am so tired. I want to see him threw this but he is to a point now ware he want me to do things and join in cam with him as well as act out what he fantasizes about that is not me or who i am and I WILL NOT GO THAT FARE!!!!!!! I cant take this this is killing me in side. I am to the point know ware i am sick of looking at him i am tired of looking threw his lap top scared to come home and find him doing things wondering what he is doing in the shower haw can a purson live like this.