Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

I had had sadistic, sexual fantasies from about 8. Something told me they were bad, and so I stopped them. But they came back sometimes, and it was hard to keep them away. Three yrs ago, when I was 13, I got curious, and I wanted to know more about sexuality. I looked up all sorts of body parts on the encyclopedia, and found out how to masturbate. Something told me again that it was wrong, but I rationalized those thoughts away. I told the priest at church, and he helped me for a while, but I started back up again. That summer 3 years ago, I became addicted to sexual pleasure. I started looking at porn online even if it was illegal for minors. I became angry at the Church for reminding me that I was wrong. I knew I was probably hurting God so much, but I didn't care. I stopped believing He had a right to to tell me what to do with my body.

I look back now, and those times scare me to think how totally defiant I was toward God. I believe that Hell is not just a place: it's a state. Being in that state of utter defiance toward God, I was in hell, really and truly. Except for one thing: there was still hope.

I started lusting after everyone, even my own sisters. (yes, I am a girl.) I knew these lustful desires were the result of my masturbation, and so I was forced to make a decision: either accept that incestial desires are normal, or that masturbation is disordered. I realized how sex-obsessed I had become. I saw that my actions were not natural or healthy and that my Church had been right from the beginning.

But it's not easy, coming back from hell. I felt like a slave to my sexual passions. Eventually, I was able to stop looking at porn. But the masturbation was and is still a problem. I believe I was down to once every two weeks, but I so desperately wanted to stop, even that wasn't enough. I couldn't stand myself, but it seemed I couldn't change myself and I started to have suicide thoughts. I called on God, and He helped me through it. I stopped masturbating for several months.

Despite all this, I wasn't ready to give up those sexual fantasies from childhood. "How can a thought be so dangerous?" I thought. So I let my sexual fantasies form freely in my mind with little or no guilt at all. It took a while, but I'm now back to full-fledged masturbation.

But I know I can stop again, especially with a support forum like this one. I know now that thoughts can be sexually stimulating, and are therefore almost a form of masturbation. I'm ready to give it all up, masturbation AND sexual fantasies. I did it today, but before that I went one month without masturbating. And I'm getting better at battling the fantasies. So I'm Almost There.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me and my darkest secrets. I've told priests at church about my problem, but I've never confided the details to anyone. With this support forum, I'm sure I can stop. Thank you.

im sure you will find a way! it's good you keep fighting, well ignoring that dark part of your life, but we'll give you support, i have 15, and masturbating every week or less, but thanks to god and the forum i have been counting tha days that i don't masturbate(it's a good tool, or a diary) and it helps, i do believed that you shouldn't stop EVERY sexual thought, because overtime, you will explode and masturbate, but you should CONTROL it, and stop thinking too much on it, that's ok!

I have 10 days without it, and i feel great, remember what keeps you fighting, not just the thought of badness, but do it for someone/something, you will stop doing it!

thanks for sharing, talking helps a lot always

your thoughts are your enemies this is the truth you have hit the nail squarely on the head. your thoughts will damage you even posting in this forum is not good because of the mental preoccupation with the subject. they key is to walk away from it and fill your mind with other things yet at the same time do not forsake physical activity. everyday you should be physically active. and also you need to fill your mind with god and the bible. the bible is the only solution to moral malaria. plan your day now i will study now i will work etc. you are the controler of your destiny. you have to realize your power over yourself. you have a logical mind and a moral mind reason shoud be the king on the throne. stop your preoccupation with this subject. there are greater and better pleasure out there. physical work is not painful it is invigorating and pleasurable. also studying good things is also pleasurable just do it in balance the physical and the mental need to be in balance. you will notice the difference once you start. read jhon browns posts they are heaven sent.