Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

My husband views porn and masturbates with it 3- 4 times weekly. I have talked to him many times about how it hurts me and damages my self esteem. He use to be open with me about it, but the last time I brought it up he accused me of trying to control him. He said my love should be unconditional. He also said that going forward I won't know a thing. He said he will make sure my "spying" results in nothing. He has told me many lies in the past regarding his porn activity, and now won't discuss it at all. He asked me to be patient for a few months, as he has just lost both of his parents in the last 3 months, but once things settle down he will taper off. I know he won't. We never have sex unless I initiate it. We do have sex 2 - 3 times a week but never at his suggestion. I have walked in on him masturbating to porn on at least 6 occasions in the past year. He even views it to prepare for being with me. He also insists that ALL guys do it, and if they say they don't they are lying. I love him madly, but I can't live like this. He won't even admit that it is a problem.

You are right that it isn't right. I still struggle with this issue, and I think the heart of the issue is that most of us men are pretty selfish and lack self-control. It's much easier to rationalize something that is wrong, and that's what your husband is doing when he says all guys do it. Besides being untrue, it is beside the point. It really bothers you, and you are not married to "all those other guys." I think that porn teaches us, even without us knowing it, to treat women as objects of our lust, not as partners in mutual desire, love and respect for each other. I hope he comes to his senses.

Mitch