Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

After reading several other post,I do need to admit something.I lie to my wife.
My wife can ask,"How's everything going?" and I know just what she means (How are you coping with your thoughts of porn,lusting at what I see,especially now summer is here and they female type dress a tad skimpy).
I always have to say,I'm doing good,or better,knowing that I'm not doing that good.She doesn't even know I'm on this site writing these things.
I just find hard to tell her I am masturbating while thinking of someone else,or worse yet when we are having sex.I know I should confront her and tell her everything but that is so hard to do,I feel ashamed of it and I guess that's why I won't tell her that I have masturbated or having thoughts of lust.How would she deal with it if I said "I was thinking of _ _ _ _ _ _ while having sex with you.",that would be like messing with a bear cub in front of its mother.And not only that,but I often find myself thinking of my wife watching or being part of a threesome,I know that's not right but it does happen and I would'nt dare tell her that.

I am afraid that she'll say,"You aint never changed,you're still the same,you only think of yourself,blaa blaa blaa.
Like I said,this is a very hard thing for me,I keep battling the same fight and keep loosing,I just dont know what I gonna do.

The thing is,even though I don't go to porn sites directly,I watch it indirectly.Going to a site where you can watch non-nude explicit sex scenes.Even though there is no nudity,one can get the idea of whats really going on .It's not porn itself,but leads your mind to want more,and then they have a quick link to their website right below it so you see the full unsensored video.The good thing is I don't visit those sites,the bad thing is they show enough to get me turned on and that leads to you know what.
You probly know which site I'm talking about and it scares me at what you can see on that site,and if you type in a certain word or phase it'll show a bundle of these that even my son could see,without logging in,registering or stating he is over 18.
My wife don't know about me doing that,and that's lying to her also.I was doing really good for the past few months of not visiting that site,untill last week when I was tempted and went there.I have told someone about it and he told me he would talk to me and ask me if I visited it and for me to be honest with him,he didn't have to because I went to him and confessed before he had a chance to ask me.

I don't have internet at the house yet,but will before the summer is out because of school.We'll have to go online to get my sons homework assignments and stuff.And the first thing going on it is "bsafe" filter,not just for my son,but for me also.I don't think it would filter out this particular site,but I'm sure it will the bad stuff.

Plus it was a very stressfull Monday and Tuesday and that lead to me doing something also.I have to do better.

Thanks for the honesty. It is hard to know how much we should confess. If my wife knew everything I thought or fantasized, she would probably divorce me right now. This is such a sensitive issue and I can't even begin to know what is the right response for every person or instance. To admit to another guy or to this forum that we masturbate is somehow different than telling your wife--it is not merely a shameful admission, but our wives may take it to mean that we don't think they are adequate for or pleasing to us. Perhaps do something special for your wife or think of some great memories with her. I do know that we have to control our fantasies instead of letting them control us. And, I know for me, the visual images from pornography are very very difficult to control. I also know that it's tough when times get stressful, but I think it is a good thing that you have someone you can be accountable to. I have played the game of "it's not really porn" before, and I know that if it stimulates me and leads to masturbation, then it is porn--at least for me. That's a good idea about the filter for the internet. Hang in there.