Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

I have been trying to stop masturbating and the best i can do is 9 days lately. I am single with no friends and I want a wife. I feel if I dont stop masturbation I will be masturbating when i am in a relationship. I don't know any thing else apart from masturbating. I am doing a lot research on how to stop. I am 35 years old and I dont want to be single any more. Does ANYONE have ideas that worked for them? The church doesn't ever talk about it and it is too embarrassing to go to the pastor. Hey pastor I masturbate a lot.

i think the best thing to do is find something to do.Live when u think that u want to masturbate you might go out for a walk with your dog ,this helpful because it keeps your mind busy.Usually when u r bored and u don't have anything to do thats when you feel like doin it
GD LUCK

We are in the exact same boat my friend.
I cannot stop either but my problem is almost worse as I have a wife who for the most part is a willing partner. My problem started in the early stages of our marriage. Her libido was not that strong so I figured I would check out internet porn and if it led to M then, no big deal, no victim, not cheating, etc. That occasional indulgence that began 10 years ago has become a now daily occurence, sometimes more than once per day. I feel so hopeless and disgusted with myself. I also have very little if any desire for my wife. I was led to this website after searching online for help after yet again coming to back to my office to "work late" after dinner. I am encouraged that I am not the only one, I frankly had begun to think I was some type of monster. It has controlled parts of my life and has caused me to miss out on so much life, so many wasted hours; so many late nights with little sleep, I just want this to end. . . .please help me........

sodesperate wrote:We are in the exact same boat my friend.
I cannot stop either but my problem is almost worse as I have a wife who for the most part is a willing partner. My problem started in the early stages of our marriage. Her libido was not that strong so I figured I would check out internet porn and if it led to M then, no big deal, no victim, not cheating, etc. That occasional indulgence that began 10 years ago has become a now daily occurence, sometimes more than once per day. I feel so hopeless and disgusted with myself. I also have very little if any desire for my wife. I was led to this website after searching online for help after yet again coming to back to my office to "work late" after dinner. I am encouraged that I am not the only one, I frankly had begun to think I was some type of monster. It has controlled parts of my life and has caused me to miss out on so much life, so many wasted hours; so many late nights with little sleep, I just want this to end. . . .please help me........

I hear you man, I'm married too and I have occasional bouts with porn + masturbation, sometimes it does not affect our sex life but when it does it really makes up for all that time it didn't. Like my wife will be in the mood and I just won't be able to get it up. We try for awhile until we just call it a quits. I always feel terrible about it, but I also cannot bring myself to tell my wife the reason for my impotence, it would crush her and she would not be very understanding about it (think screaming bloody murder). My technique in the past has basically been to patch the situation, that is wait until it subsides (without watching porn) and when it does it usually does not recur for at least a couple of months. The problem is, as with all of us, porn is so appealing as a form of stress relief - it offers escape from the real world problems we have, similar to drugs and alcohol (which I have done alot of in the past too). I can literally get by months having good sex with my wife AND watching porn, which gives me a false sense of confidence because I never know when I'm gonna go overboard with the porn and when I do, out come the erection problems. I am still under the notion that for some people, porn can be good in small doses, just like any other vice in moderation, but I know I have addictive tendencies, which throws a bone in the works. You see I have been rationalizing my porn use for a long long time now (like, it's better than cheating in real life, e.t.c), truth is, I fantasize about other women all the time, it is natural to be attracted to more than one person in life. But sometimes I let these fantasies become obsessions, just like with the porn, which could be equally detrimental. Sometimes if I have an intense fantasy I will masturbate just to get the thoughts out of my mind, which usually works, but only for a short time. I'm rambling on, sorry. Yes I have wasted countless hours downloading porn, looking at pictures, organizing my collection, and I have destroyed my collection multiple times (which alone didn't work as a quitting technique). I start to think of other addictions I have (because you ALWAYS have the addiction, you must always stay on top of it) like cigarettes, cocaine, alcohol, and what I did to help myself quit - mostly I just took myself away from the people and situations I shared the addiction with (like hanging out at bars or with certain friends) and that seemed to work rather well. Unfortunately I cannot stay away from the computer because I have alot of legitimate uses for it (work, school, home business, etc). So we must think outside of the box. i.e. Recently I've been lusting after one of my co-workers, who happens to be one of my classmates at school during the nighttime once a week. I have found a model who closely resembles her and last week I downloaded like 400 pics of this model and masturbated to them several times. I had class with her last night, and sexual thoughts were about to enter my head throughout the entire class, but I fended them off by concentrating on the lecture. This morning I wanted to re-download pics of the model that looks like her, but instead I came to this forum so I could redirect my wanton sexual desires for her. I am hoping that if I keep doing things like this, concentrating on more constructive things, the feelings will subside and things will get back to normal, usually these intense sexual feelings are episodic for me, I don't always have these troubles. I think I also need a better coping mechanism, which seems to be the problem at heart, because I always seem to turn to destructive habits for coping (like tobacco, lust/porn, alcohol).

The paradox is that stress imposes negativity on one's persona, so to balance that negativity one has to do something that makes them feel good - and so many things that make you feel good (at least in the short term) are bad or bad for you (like eating junk food, for instance). I'm still trying to find something that makes me feel as good as porn does, but doesn't leave me feeling empty inside. Until I do, to the forums I will go.

Things look good, for now. It seems I have dispelled my demons, now with a better awareness of myself and my history, so I can avoid these problems in the future.

I know your pain

i am a diagnosed porn and masturbation addict (amongst others)

5 years ago went to the meadows and keystone for 2 months and it was a bitch and the withdrawel was terrible

I had my sobrity for a couple of years and then gave myself permission (started with going to ebaums (joke site that has some questionable content)

here i am now sitting in a hotel room and back full fledge into my addiction

im married and feeling the shame, guilt and paranoia (afraid my wife will figure it out)

I know how hard it is

im loading covenant eyes (filtering software) onto my computer and have an accountabily buddy from rehab

go to an slaa or saa meeting - get phone numbers and make phone calls

there are also many telemeetings (npt sure if they are still on but worth checking into

-SLAA - telemeeting - 605-990-0150 232562#
Occurs every Monday effective 4/7/2008 from 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM.


-SAA - Telemeeting - Occurs every Tuesday effective 4/1/2008 from 12:05 PM to 1:05 P Call In Number: (605) 475-6350 Passcode: 146285
Group Contacts: Phone E-mail
Info Line 206-781-4490
Bruce Q. 360-907-0208



Occurs every Monday effective 3/31/2008 from 8:00 PM to 9:00 PM.

SAA - Telemeeting - Call In Number: (309) 946-5100 Passcode: 134679


I know its difficult but believe in your self and remember you cant do this alone

get numbers of people in program and call - find a meeting and force yourself to go - you will find that you are not alone and there are people who can help

Tom

This is my first post on this site. I'm 45 years old and have been masturbating for my entire life. I've always thought that it was normal for the most part. I've always heard that 95% of men masturbate and then the other 5% lie about it. I am married for the second time for about 10 years and our sex life is terrible. My wife is pretty conservative and very low key when it comes to sex. My first wife of 7 years was a lot friskier in the bedroom I must admit. She left me for another man that drove a "Mustang 5.0", she was pretty shallow. After losing my first wife I eventually became very involved in a charismatic church. I became immersed in the church and cleaning up my life. I stopped drinking, doing drugs, threw away all my secular cds, went through the school of ministry, and had a very close relationship with God. The one thing I could not seem to get rid of was my lust for other women and the desire to masturbate. I was always plagued with guilt and felt like this was the one thing keeping me from being a "good" Christian. I didn't have internet at the time so the temptation of pornography was not as bad, but just the picture of an attractive star on the cover of a magazine in the checkout line at the grocery store is enough to bring up the thoughts that lead to masturbation.
I prayed that God would bring me a wife that a desired so badly and hoped that having a woman would end the masturbation. When my current wife showed up I felt like it was an answer to my prayers. She had also just gotten out of a broken marriage and we seemed like a perfect fit, or I was just so desperate for a woman that I snatched her up immediately. She has never been a very affectionate or sexual person. In fact she doesn't like to kiss at all, which really bothers me. Every time I see people kissing in a movie I wish it was me. She just expects me to get an erection and take care of business and get it over with. Well... since I'm so starved for affection and sexuality I spend a lot of time looking at pornography and masturbating to these fantasies. I guess the frequent masturbation does seem to have an effect on keeping an erection normally. I usually have to take a Viagra to keep it up for sex with my wife. Considering we seem to only have sex once every 3-6 mo you'd think she'd be willing to do anything to have good sex. She just says I won't be able to keep it up, what is the use. I am soooo unhappy and think I'm missing out on something. Now I question if God really sent her to me, if I married her by mistake, the sin of my masturbation is clouding my judgment, if I'll ever be happy with her, am I losing my mind, is there really a God? I really want to get my relationship with God and my wife where it needs to be and be happy. I'm not sure what to do. I keep considering divorce and going out to find a woman that really makes me happy and will be more sexual so I won't have to masturbate. I know divorce is not the Christian thing to do and we have two wonderful children 6 and 9. I feel like if we could work through this and if there was more passion in our life’s it would solve our problems. I know she knows that I masturbate and she probably thinks, “good he won't be bothering me with it”. She doesn't know about the porn, but I'm not sure telling her will do anything but just alienate her further, or give her more ammo to throw in my face. HELP!!!

Thanks for your honesty jbjnc63. I'm not a counselor or pastor, but I wish I could help encourage you as I have been encouraged by this forum. You are not alone in your struggle against pornography and masturbation. I am 38 years old and married, but I also struggle. It has been 22 days since I joined this forum and 22 days of freedom from porn and masturbation. But, each day is difficult and a struggle. But, I know that Jesus was tempted in every way as we are and so he understands my struggle and will help deliver me. I will never lose sight of that hope, even though I know I fall each day (not necessarily by my actions, but certainly in my impure thoughts and fantasizing). I'm glad you are committed to your family. I think you really need to seek help from a pastor or counselor together with your wife. The pornography and masturbation addiction is your problem, but the causes and the solutions will need to involve participation and support from your wife. It seems like she feels inadequate in some ways (we all have areas that we feel inadequate about!), and I think these issues obviously affect your marriage. Another issue is the fact that she does not seem to enjoy making love and that will go 3-6 months without it! She needs to realize that that is unacceptable because most men (myself included) have a much stronger sexual drive than that. The Bible says that you should not deny each other except in special occasions and agree to it mutually. Even though your family is important, she needs to know that meeting your physical needs is important too. Your kids need to see your love for each other. Your wife should realize that you want to save this marriage from dying and she should respond to that as long as she knows that you are saying this out of love and not blaming her. I hope she responds well. You also need to try to get rid of the pornography and not masturbate. But you will need her support. Hang in there. You're not alone and I think God is honored by your honesty about such a matter that is so difficult to talk about. Keep posting.

Mitch

Even I can't stop masturbating. I stopped thinking about controlling this addiction the last few months. But it's still affecting my life, my studies and my future.

Simple movements of the hand can shape lives! Damn.

I thought of your post today. Simple movements of the hand--Damn! I agree with you that it seems like simple movements, but they really are choices of the will before they are movements of the hand or body. And, I think that our sexuality is not just a physical act, but a physical union and an expression of love. Masturbation or pornography is neither of these. I wish sometimes that I could just view it as a simple physical act that I can do with my wife or by myself, but that is not right. Sex is more than release--it is connection and fulfillment. I know all this--then why is masturbation still such a temptation for me?

hey guys i want to thank everyone who shares there problems and discuses it with other people here on this site...
when i want to watch porn or masturbate i go straight to this site and i start to read about other peoples problems and
their tough situations that there in and the more i read here the horny feeling goes away...becuase you start to understand
how serious it is... so if anyone has a hard time maybe u guys should just try to read and think about it and i geranty u guys
that by the time your done you wont be horny and neither would you want to watch porn... thanks for your time... God bless

Ive got Safe eyes with option of not having adminstrative override... even WITH 99.9% blocked (and ability to report whatever stray usually pretty tame thing one finds) can be difficult when have this kind of strong addiction... I am pretty much of mind that it has got to be nearly impossible without blocking software like this... well well well well well worth the cost and occasionally blocked site that you think shouldn't be. I advocate anyone who is serious to go get Safe Eyes (without administrative override... hopefully this option is available when sign up...otherwise just call them... i switched over from netmop which i used previously because it was only one i knew of that had this option of no admin override... recently netmop must have merged into safe eyes... one of the options signing up from net mop was to keep it this way... if it isn't a part of normal sign up then should call them and tell them thats how you want it set up)... otherwise how in hells name would anyone with serious addiction have a chance in hell of beating this thing back... i'm telling you it really helps to not have P or p.boy around... (but as i hinted at above... even with 99.9 or whatever percent blocked can even still be a challenge....) there is no way a cocaine/ meth/heroin addict would keep these substance around in the house when trying to kick...So please, if you resist this message, stop lying to yourself and invest the best 6$ or whatever a month you will spend... if you are honest with yourself you know you've got to do this... anything else is very very very very very very very very (i would think close to 100% if you are anything like me) likely serious serious serious and pathological lying to yourself... so my advice is to get to it/go do it (sign up) and be glad... even if you keep failing (which could happen with a bear of an addiction like this) it will start to mitigate things like crazy

Hey, I know it's tough and even though I am married, I still struggle with this addiction that I spent so many years practicing. But, I'd encourage you to talk to your pastor--he might be more understanding than you think. I know in the church we don't talk about this much, but it is an awkward issue to talk about publicly because it is so personal and so easy to become hypocritical or whatever. But, if your pastor is a man of God--if he is a man--he will understand what you struggle with. At 35 you are younger than me--so hang in there. God has a plan for you and for me, even when it's hard to see what that is.

[quote="peter"]I have been trying to stop masturbating and the best i can do is 9 days lately. I am single with no friends and I want a wife. I feel if I dont stop masturbation I will be masturbating when i am in a relationship. I don't know any thing else apart from masturbating. I am doing a lot research on how to stop. I am 35 years old and I dont want to be single any more. Does ANYONE have ideas that worked for them? The church doesn't ever talk about it and it is too embarrassing to go to the pastor. Hey pastor I masturbate a lot.[/quote]
My friend, you have to understand that it is very important for you develop the will power to control your urge to masturbate. In the beginning you will find it a difficult but when at least 21 days are passed you will find that the urge is no longer empowering you. You can further strenghten your efforts by avoiding those books,pictures and programs on television or on the internet which according to you, play a role in arousing your sexual desires. Once you start controlling your urges you will find your thoughts towards opposite sex becoming healthier and cleaner. Your shyness exists because you know that you have this desire to masturbate in you and whenever you talk to girls you actually get sexually aroused. During the avoid fantasising about sex and instead divert you attention to body-building,sports and other meditation based exercises. When you do exactly as i tell you, this is my guarantee that when you marry, you will perfectly enjoy sex with your partner because your control on masturbation will lead to better sexual performance. Don't worry my friend. Inshallah everything will be allright. All the best.
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The most f'd up sequence of events occured since I made this post almost a year ago. Turns out that b/c I was doing this on my work computer I got caught, and wasn't confronted directly but I've been monitored at work even to this day. Another big issue... my family was involved and I've had cameras in my house for quite some time now. The people at work keep me at bay by not interacting directly to make their points (like stop looking at porn/masturbating/etc - basically anything they find wrong with my life) keeping me in a virtual/perpetual state of delirium. Besides all this, I developed feelings for the girl I mentioned in my post which haven't gone away (and at this point after almost a year don't look like they are going away). So all this makes me think...have I gone crazy b/c the porn really f'd me up? You would think that alone would stop me from using it but no, I'm still at it :( . Anyway, I'm a little drunk so I don't know where I'm going with this........I guess I just needed to vent a little bit. I feel affronted because I'm being monitored 24/7... feelings that used to be private to me are not any more and I don't like that. I wish I knew how to shake them off but I guess they are so concerned for that girl that they won't get off my back until this is all over with. I really don't know what they are expecting though... what happened happened, I am not going to leave my wife under any circumstance so..... I just have to live with these feelings and hope they go away eventually, like when I leave this place (outta sight outta mind) It's not as bad as it's been, so maybe thats a good thing. Sometimes I use porn to escape those very feelings, a diversion of attention that proves quite effective. O well at this point I think I am talking more to them than to you guys here