Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

I've been an addict for a long time now.
It's been so long... I don't even know why I am here, or why I suddenly decided to try to fight again.
There a lot of things I'm not proud of, but when I discovered masturbation, I was about 11-12 years old, its been 10 years now.

There were times I fought and times I gave in. I lasted a month before because of a girl I liked.

The seriousness of my problem is extreme. Sometimes it prevents my functioning on day-to-day tasks, such as going to work or going to class. Sometimes I'm too tired and wake up at 3 P.M. because I stayed up too late the previous night because of my problem. I would like to share more of this later on if you all would like to listen.

I'm studying to become a psychologist now, but only 1 or 2 people know the seriousness of my double-life. Time is short for me because its finals week for college, but I will come back to this forum again.

I just know its worth it to keep fighting.. if you let your mind cave in, the seriousness and depression you'll plunge into is severe. Beyond that... if you engage in masturbation or porn because of boredom, you'll soon find the same things don't make you relieved anymore, and you'll soon become addicted to new fetishes and sick desires. I remember I'd still feel guilt before when I got it over with... Its been so long now that I don't feel anything anymore.

I am glad to see others fighting alongside now.. Maybe we can all understand why we do the things we do a little better, and try to make some progress while sharing our darkest shames.

Welcome. You're not alone in feeling like you lead a double-life. I did it for 25 years. I also know what you mean about not feeling guilty after a while. That was what really scared me because not only was I not feeling guilty about masturbation, but I began to look at pornography and could see myself heading to a point where that wouldn't produce guilt either. But, we're all here because one way or another, we our hearts, minds and wills need to be changed. Hang in there with finals.

HI...I am glad you decided to take a step by posting on this forum. I too am in College studying psychology - and I too have a problem with pornography and masturbation, so you are not alone - believe me. And I am certain there are many others. The funny things about psychology is that you can understand many other ppls problems, but when it comes to our own, we are sometimes powerless to change things on our own. It's pretty ironic if you as me. From a psychology perspective, there are a number of things happening in the brain that serve to re-enforce addictions particularly to masturbating - enhanced neural pathways related to actions pertaining to masturbating, amydala involved in feeling better when/after masturbating (food, sex satisfaction with animals), release of neurotransmitters during orgasm - the list goes on. In fact, I think some studies have shown that the type and amount of neurotransmitters relased during orgams is similar to that of meth - which is known to be one of the most difficult drug addictions to overcome. So yah - we all have a pretty big fight.
The one thing I would say though is that psychology never discusses the reality of evil in the world. There is never a good or bad - everything is relative - even the antisocial person isn't "bad"; they are "anti-social". The truth is, there are other forces at play when it comes to evil in the world. I'm not sure if you are religious, but I certainly believe in God and the Devil - evil and good. I think that the problem with addiction is one that has many aspects - but really, only one solution - and that is, we have to fill the emptiness, or desire we have, with something good - not pornography. Masturbating and watching porn says that we need something - that we are seeking something that we are currently missing. From a Christian perspective, this is likely Christ. From a secular perspective, we to do something that we find fullfilling - so that we no longer need to turn to porn.
I know I've said a lot - and knowing this, I still have a problem. Funny! But yah - we also need others in our life to help us - whatever form they come in. As men, we tend to keep these things to ourselves, but we really do need encouragement to get over it - and to get encouragement, we need to open up and share with others.
I empathize with you and understand your situation. I hope that you can overcome this - I believe you will need additional help beyond yourself though (just like the rest of us on this site who have tried time and time again to quit, but have failed). I know that once overcome, you will be a better psychologist because of first-hand experience with addiction. I welcome you to share your story - I have a long one myself. Posting your thoughts on here hopefully is useful to you...and I admire you for telling others about your problem - I have told others in the past, but not recently - I don't think I'm ready to yet - but I wish I was.

Thanks for replying guys.
Mitch, I studied my brains out for my test, and I think I got a 100 on the exam, so thank god. The only thing that keeps me happy and going sometimes is my high grades. When my grades start to suffer, or I seem to slack up in life, I am given the choice again to give up and to get my act together. Its not that I have just an addiction to pornography & masturbation, but I also have an addiction to video games too.
I'm a person who can put off a 20 page paper, until the night its due and write it all up on the spot, and the closer the deadline comes, the more 'stressed' out I seem to get, and I indulge in my addictive behaviors more and more.

It gets so bad sometimes... I remember days in the past where I would masturbate maybe 5-7 times a day, when stressful times arose. Recently, I had to call the shots again, when I couldn't focus on studying and every 20 minutes or so, I had to 'escape' and go back to old habits. I actually have pretty good grades, I'm a senior in college now with a 3.8, hoping to go to Berkley; even porn addicts have prestigious dreams! haha.

I live in Las Vegas actually, and I believe my addictive behavior is innate, but I know that my dad was addicted to gambling when I was younger, so part of myself is from him.

"Lookingforhelp" -

Thanks for all of your insight on the the physiology part behind masturbation. Even after the psychology courses I have taken (I have taken a lot, enough for graduation). I never took the Sexual Psychology course. Maybe...because I'm afraid to let my guard down. I don't want people to have any indication that I am an addict. I might be planning to take the class now because of all the informative things you have said.

In terms of acknowledging my problem, I've actually seen a psychologist before because I thought it would be interesting to sit in the client's perspective. I can say it was embarrassing talking about masturbating and porn. At first, I couldn't even say the word Masturbating. It was very difficult, and I kept transferring a lot of anger towards my psychologist. It isn't easy for people to tear your life apart and have you rebuild it yourself. Looking back, it was a good experience though, and it allows me now to more freely talk and share about my problems.

This post seems really scattered. I didn't really address a lot of the things I wanted to share, but I'll leave that again, for another time soon.

By the way, I really liked your post, Mitch, on the buried life. That is one of my new favorite poems.

Congrats on your test. I know what you mean about when you get stressed and masturbation becomes a kind of stress release. I think that lately I have viewed it less as stress release, than as a self-focused and pleasurable distraction when I am feeling down, disappointed or inadequate in some way. I admire you for talking with a psychologist about this, and I agree that just talking about masturbation is tough. Before this forum, I never acknowledged that I struggled with it. I'm glad you liked the poem. I remember in college when we had to read his "Dover Beach" poem, I read this one and even then it resonated with me. I think I may always struggle to open up in this way. But this forum has helped me to formulate and express some things that I have never done before. And maybe that is one reason why I have made it an unprecedented (for me at least) 56 days without looking at porn or masturbating (without counting the couple of times I stopped myself when I had started to masturbate). I wish I could say I am cured, but I know I am not. That is why I still post. That is why I still pray and hope that God will strengthen me. Thanks, again