Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

Hi, I'm new here and my fiance is definitely addicted to masturbation and porn.

Things have not been right for a long time.... maybe ever, but this last year has been awful and I have been considering leaving. This weekend things came to a head and I told him exactly how I felt and that I thought it best I leave. Over the past 9 months I have tried on several occasions to get him to admit that things weren't right between us and I have even tried to 'fix' what I thought might be wrong.

It's not until today that I realise exactly what our problems are down to though - and I feel so stupid that I didn't see it! Our sex life is non existant and I crave the intimacy we lack. I have been trying to talk this through with him, asking him what I can do to put things right, if he finds me attractive etc, but although he says he does I have been at a loss.

My fiance has in excess of 300 porn films. We would sometimes watch them together in the past and both enjoyed doing it together. Now though he will sit in silence with me for hours until I tell him to put porn on, and he will watch it for hours. I now feel I have to leave the room as it isn't the same as it used to be and I may as well not be there.

I blamed my lack of sex drive for us not having sex and for him having to entertain himself, so I went to the doctor and got prescribed testosterone patches. I offered to join him and watch together but he is not interested in touching me only himself. I said I felt rejected and his answer was that I should join in and pleasure him! I now realise that my sex drive is not low, I am just intimidated and humiliated. I would be happy with just some intimacy, a kiss, a cuddle, something at least to encourage me and make me feel part of his love affair with himself.

I can't believe that I have been so blind to what our problems actually are, especially when his habits are so extreme. I know he's doing it when I get up to make breakfast, when he comes home from work, and several times a day in work, and most of the night.

I'm sorry that this is so long,

I do not think it is good idea that you joined in with him.

Porn by nature is anti-love. It is an illusion. It is a destroyer. If I were you I would see this as a red flag, a fire alarm something that you should not think twice about. You should just leave the guy. A man like that is a true addict. He is digging a pit for himself. This is one if not the worst kinds of addictions that there are. The man is completely cold to you. That is not normal. In a true relationship love grows!!! This is an exceedingly hard addiction to get rid of. Be thankful that you are not an addict and find someone else. It is not hard to find someone else. And walk away from this like the horror that it is. Save yourself. There are many men with this problem and the problem lies with themselves and the way women are so immodest these days. Women do not have a clue what modesty is. Men grow up in this environment and the cosequences are that they become depraved and licentious. Also from early on they both men and women are crammed into classrooms and all this mental work is stimulating on top of the fact that they are going to school with the opposite sex and they have an unbalanced experience all mental stimulation and no physical labor to relax the mind etc and prevent this gross moral malaria. If you are looking for someone else look for someone who understands this and practices it. Someone who is smart enough or priviledged enough to have been taught how to avoid these things.

First thing,you have already done that,you talked to him.

Don't marry this guy if he is that bad.I know I was and still am addicted to a certain degree,but if my wife came into the room and wanted loving,I'd give it to her (unless I masterbated that day).
I have been in similar situations before,not touching my wife for a week or two,and I was masturbating and she didn't know about it so I tried to keep it from her.
Now when a couple sits down and watches a porn flick together and the guy would rather jackoff than have intercourse is nuts,something aint right with that picture.I'm not saying it's ok to watch that stuff,because you already know the damage it causes,but a point to how engrossed people get into it.Getting married ain't gonna help his problem either,it'll just compound it.

My wife said a lady she works with,her husband was addicted and got to where he never spent time with her,but always looking at porn,he would rather watch porn and masturbate than be with and have sex with her.She even told him if he didn't stop,get help or something she was going to leave him.They are divorced now.

Thanks for replying guys, it is nice to know that it's not my problem its his!

I realise that our relationship is beyond hope now and i'm making arrangements to move out and start again. He didn't even seem to care when I mentioned I would be going, I think he thinks i'm just trying to get attention. So, now i've given up talking and trying for good.

I know i've made some wrong choices trying to meet him halfway and doing things that eventually have degraded me more but he now makes me feel so uncomfortable that i'll leave the room so he can get on with it. As well as other much more humiliating things which I simply would be too ashamed to share.

Thanks guys for reading and supporting,

Ginger

Although I am not so cold to my gf and put her pleasures before mine. But every time (I hear) a relationship of this sort (where the guy is addicted) breaks, I feel sad. The fact that this addiction is so consuming that the guy is unable to see ... is painful. It hurts because I'm also an addict. On this forum, most women who post end their relationship. It hurts because I lose hope for us the addicts and their relationships. But I guess it's best for the women.