Sexual, Masturbation and Porn Addiction Help Forum

Spouse is reconciling with me concerning recent discovery of porn and masterbation. He says it is a weight lifted off his shoulders now that I know. It was a shock at first. Not the porn and masterbation but the length of time it had been going on and the excuses used. Excuses were denied. He agreed this has nothing to do with "just" me. He also agrees that computer software to track websites and therapy would be helpful. I believe him as I've done my share of checking things. He deleted other e-mail accounts used to receive porn updates in my presence. Sexual performance has changed and I can tell that an awareness to control the masterbation has taken place. My concern before the revelation was retarded ejaculation due to frequent masterbation. I could tell what was going on but is such a sensitive subject...how to approach that one?!

It is good to know that I'm not the only one going through this. I'm not going to fix it. He is aware that he has to address this deep within himself. I will be there to support him. We've been married almost 18 years and been through so much already.

Thanks for listening.

my1love,
dont forget the cell phone lol..it can access the web to. I am glad you see a difference in 'performance'-wish you the best.

I can go online and view the bill and see if he has tried to access the web. Phones are in my name as well as most of the bills. His phone does not have that application and would show up as an added cost if he did. I'm sure he would've been aware of that.

I'm pretty sure the masterbation continues. I didn't expect that it would stop all together; however, I can confirm it is less frequent and there is better judgement as to when and where. Everyone needs "me" time, some just have to learn when and where it is appropriate.

it takes approximately 3 mnths of sexual sobriety for the brain to get its dopeameen levels back into balance- this is the hormone behind this addiction and it is what sex addicts are really addicted to.(the addiction feels like its in the genitals but its actually between the ears) Dopeameen is responsible for our happy feelings and our sense of well being. This hormone is secreted in large amounts during orgasm..and if a person masturbates all the time then their brain is being constantly depleted of it leaving the addict somewhat in a state of depression all the time. So, to get that huge dose of'happy' they'll masturbate again and again and again. When a person displays poor judgement as to'where and when' they do it then they are pretty much entrenched in the addiction-its pretty severe and is not likely to stop without the aid of antidepressants and talk therapy. Your hubby may have slowed down somewhat for now- but just like the alcoholic isnt capable of 'controlled drinking'- the sex addict is incapable of 'controlled masturbating'..it doesnt work that way...i'll bet my bottom dollar he's off to the races again as soon as he thinks its all 'smoothed over'
There is no soft way of dealing with this-in order to stop it you have to do just that- completely stop it and allow the brain to balance out. it takes an incredible amount of will power and commitment to overcome this and thats because the drug of choice doesnt have to be bought and is completely sustained and secreted in the body..in my opinion that fact alone makes it the sneakiest an most evil one of them all.- Good luck to you- i hope i have given you food for thought.

Thank you "simplyme1",

Wow, I did just think about your exact point today. I see my doctor tomorrow (annual exam) and plan on asking for a therapist.

I am having doubts that I will be able to cope with this on my own. Friends are great but have no idea the extent of what is going on. Plus, you give detail and they make judgement. I don't judgment to occur because of only my side of the story. He's going to have deal with this and with professional help.

Thank you, thank you.

your more than welcome my1love,
like I have said before if my experience and pain can help someone else before they get completely caught up in this addiction then my suffering is not for nothing-it helps me to help you. Your doubts about being able to deal with this by yourself is bang on- I tried that for years and got nothing but more empty promises- more bazarr behaviour-more lies etc etc. Going to a therapist is an excellent idea!!! They cant tell you exactly what to do but they can certainly be an unbias opinion and help you discover healthy alternatives that are going to help you cope. Talking with friends and family is uncomfortable- very few will actually see this as an 'addiction' and not a personal choice being made irresponsably on a daily basis by your hubby. It looks like choice, and to a certain degree it is-just like any other addiction. But like any other addiction it too comes with withdrawals, temptation and cravings. An addiction is described as being an activity that is causing chaos in your life because of ones inability to control it. Sex addiction is no different than alcoholism in that context.
My prayers are with you-hugs-good luck.